LIlly Grace

In one moment your life can change forever....thats all it takes one moment. We delivered our sixth beautiful baby, Lilly Grace Aug. 27. I had an amazing nurse who will never know how much she meant to me in that moment. I am numb right now, I can't even explain the feeling. I find myself taking showers so hot I come out with red skin...I just want something to take away this awful hurt, but nothing works...now please don't tell me there is something wrong or I need medicine, it will get better, it always does. The hurt will never go away but instead of the tears that come frequently and without warning today one day I will get ready for bed and realize I cried only once that day and someday I'll make it through the whole day, but for now this is my life, this is my reality. Here is a picture of a print that Carrie got for us of Lillys oh so tiny, yet oh so perfect footprint. The picture is not near as clear as the actual print.

Changes

Alot can change in a few days, 4 to be exact. I don't really feel like writing this, but I want you to know in case you don't so you can be in prayer for us tomorrow. I went in to the Dr. today and she was unable to find a heartbeat....I'd like to say I'm okay, but I'm really not I probably look better than I have in any of my previous miscarriages on the outside, I've learned to put on that "I'm okay face" but inside...honestly I'm mad, I don't get it, I'm hurt, I really don't have any words to explain what I'm feeling. I go into delivery tomorrow morning at 8PM so please pray for us tomorrow and in the days ahead.

The Short post

Oh, I have so much to write and soooo little time so I'll just give you the important details...the funny stories will have to wait! We have been in the process of moving and have had very limited internet access....you know the kind, the one where you can get someone elses internet from one corner of the house, is that wrong oh no maybe I shouldn't have written that:-) We will have phone and internet service up soon so until then my posts will and have been few and far between. I had my anatomy scan with the specialist down in Houston a couple of weeks ago, thankyou to all of you who prayed for me I was so incredibly nervous and scared. I clung to and am still clinging to the verse

Be still and Know that I Am God

It is so hard for me to not try and take things into my own hands, to find my own answers, to simply be still. Yet when I remember that verse it becomes such a comfort that I can Know that He is God and that He is in control. All that to say... you probably think I got bad news huh, nope not at all the tumor had not grown hardly at all in 5 weeks and the baby was growing perfectly and......it is a Girl!!!! How fun will this be 3 girls! I can't hardly wait! You would think getting such great news I would be able to relax a little, but that is so not the case. Everyday I fight the feeling of fear of all that could go wrong so please don't stop your praying we have made it to 20 weeks something I never thought I would see but I still have 20 more to go! This turned out not so short, maybe I should change the title, no, I hear the girls getting into something I'm sure they are not supposed to be into so until next time!