Christmas

Are you ready for the Christmas post??? Emma decided to get sick the week of Christmas, we took her to the Dr. the Monday before Christmas and found out she had strepp. All the plans that I had put off until Josh was off, (like shopping, and seeing Santa) became impossible. (note to self....finish shopping early next year....with or without your husband.....you never know what will happen the week of Christmas!) We were able to finish everything somehow and thankfully by Christmas Emma was feeling much better.
Christmas Eve we went caroling...we started this tradition when I was young and I love that we have kept it up. At one house before we began to sing we even saw snow...okay so it was only like 5 flakes, but still it snowed....while we were caroling....how picture perfect is that!
When the girls finally calmed down long enough to go to bed Santa got to work!

Thanks to two of Santas elves the girls dollhouse turned out adorable....

and they absolutely loved it!

Marathon Weekend

I am soooo far behind.... This should be a Christmas post but maybe that will come tomorrow! I wanted to atleast document our marathon weekend so here we goooo. The weekend I am referring to took place December 12th (see I told you I was far behind) When I call it a marathon weekend you're probably thinking it must have been a super busy weekend and well it was but that's not why I'm calling it that. My sister and her best friend whom we adore and will also claim as a sister both ran their first marathon! We were so proud of them....seriously I got a little teary eyed....I mean WOW the determination and will power it must take to finish something like that is simply awe inspiring to me.
We left Saturday afternoon after a family Christmas party and headed to Dallas, we quickly discovered that our youngest does not like to travel....at all. After numerous bathroom stops and candy purchases...I know, I know...but when candy is the only thing that will stop the screaming....you give it to them,trust me! We finally arrived at our destination, we stayed with my cousin and her family, the girls had a great time and since arriving home have named one of their babydolls Hutch after their cousin! (By the way Rebekah, I don't know if you read this, but if you do we can't wait to get together again...and are praying for you tomorrow as you go in to meet your new little one)
So now for a few pictures from the sidelines!
Chip ran the half marathon...we cheered for him too

The girls love their Kiki and Jessica

Here they are in the beginning...I'm thinking this may have been the 5 mile marker...or 10 I really don't know :-)

Here they are about to cross the finish line....AMAZING!!

When they crossed the finish line, Becca came running up to me and said "Kiki and Jessica won the race!!" She was so proud of them....we all were proud!

Just another day

The girls and i have been going stir crazy, this cold weather has kept us in the house and for these outdoorsy girls this isn't a good thing! Today we decided to get outside and play so first we went "exploring" which the girls absolutely loved. We went out into the woods (now doesn't that sound country) the girls looked at everything...
they looked high....


they looked low.....

they just enjoyed breathing in some fresh air, and exploring Gods beautiful creation. We then decided to make good old fashioned pine cone bird feeders for the birds since supposedly we may be getting some snow tomorrow....





so the birds are now fed and we await the snow....if we don't see some flurries, ice or something tomorrow I know two little girls who are going to be pretty disappointed!

Thanksgiving

I wanted my sister to write a guest post telling this story since I wasn't actually there and well I'm not sure I can do it justice.... but I shall try.....so here is a texting conversation I had Thanksgiving morning.
Keelie: Basil ate the turkey!
(Basil Is Keelies dog)
Me: No way (I was pretty sure she was joking)
Keelie: No response
Me: Are you laughing as hard as I'm laughing
Keelie: I would be but she ate the chocolate pie too.

By this time I am crying I'm lauging so hard, and I'm trying to figure out the mood at Grannys house, were they laughing, crying, mad hmmm.

Keelie: Granny's crying she's laughing so hard and she's taking pictures
Me: Wow this will be a Thanksgiving we'll never forget!

So for Thanksgiving my Dad found a cajun turkey at HEB and Basil got the turkey that my Mom had worked on all day....Oh the memories!! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving I know we did :-)

My Babies

Today I am thankful for the four babies that I no longer hold on this earth. For the sake of this post I will group them together....although to me they were each special and unique in their own way.
If I had not had you all I would have never known how strong I can be. Because of you I learned what it meant to truly trust God. Because of you I learned what it meant to hold on to hope when my situation felt hopeless. Because of you I learned what faith really was. Because of you I realize now how precious life is, I hold onto my girls a little tighter, and play with them a little longer.
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, and dream about what you might have been, and although I only briefly held two of you in my arms I will hold you in my heart forever.

Emma

Today I am thankful for Emma. You are an absolutely amazing girl, you make me laugh everyday. At three you are strong and independant, you like to do everything on your own....from fixing your sandwiches, to getting your clothes on. You are a little protector, you watch over everybody including your older sister....You point out any and every injustice happening to anyone anywhere. you are sensitive to everyone, if you see someone who is sad you give hugs to them. You love animals of all kinds, and would love to have a horse of your own someday. There are so many things I could write about you, as I sit here my mind and heart are full with love for you and everything that you are....You are amazing and God gave you to us....Your Daddy and I are so blessed to have you in our lives.

Becca

Today I am thankful for my first born Becca. You came into this world and our lives were changed forever. You amaze me everyday with the things you do and say. Although many people see you as shy and reserved, that is not the little girl I see or deal with everyday. You are spunky and sure of yourself, you are not talked into things easily. You love to learn new things and at 5 you are pretty sure you know it all! :-) You love to play outside, you enjoy having your friends over, and you are becoming pretty bossy :-) I could go on and on about everything you are because your Daddy and I love every thing that makes up you. You are an amazing girl and I can't wait to see what this life has in store for you.

The man I married

Today I am thankful for my husband. We have known eachother our whole lives....seriously. He is truly my best friend and I don't know what I would do without him. When we got married six years ago we never would have dreamed that we would walk some of the roads we've been down, but we have stuck together and I can honestly say our marriage is stronger for them.
He is an amazing Dad, the girls adore him, and he always takes the time to read them stories, dress their dolls and just sit and play with them.
He has cried with me over the babies we've lost, he has dreamt with me of what the future will hold for our family. He has held me up when I was pretty sure my world was crashing around me.
He's a great cook (which is sometimes annoying...cause I'm really not) He can do anything....even things like make little girl hairbows....I'm thinking about getting him to figure out tutu's next :-)
So today I am Thankful for the man I married, for everything he was, for everything he is and for everything he is yet to be.

Not Me Monday

It's been so long I could probably fill a page on everything that I ummm did not do....but hey lets go ahead and confess a few.
I may or may not have baked cookies, pies and other scrumptious deserts every morning this past week just so the oven could warm the house up...we are learning to live without central heat and umm yea not really loving waking up in a cold house.
I did not hold Saturday school (I mean really, they don't know you're out of school on Saturday :-)
I did not walk into my girls room to find them with the salt shaker....shaking salt into their hands and eating it.
Oh I could go on and on, like the day I did not open a can of soup to feed to the dogs because I was out of dogfood, or the cookies I let the girls to make that turned into a pan of sprinkles....cookies with your sprinkles anyone???

We have definitely been having fun in the Parker household! I love this time of year, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm not going to lie and say that it's all great, I keep coming across things that make me think about Lilly and how we should be preparing for a new baby. I see toys I would love to buy and baby's first Christmas tees and it's like a punch in the gut it seems like a lifetime ago that I held her for the first and last time and it really makes me sad. So if you will keep me in your prayers this Holiday season, because as much as I love this time of year it's sometimes hard to keep a happy face on.

Now in the spirit of Thanksgiving starting later today I am going to try (if the girls will let me sit long enough){grin} to write something that I am Thankful for everyday until Thursday so stay tuned....

Pumpkin Time

The Parker girls 2nd annual "pumpkin party" took place last night! I try to make this party all about the girls and let them help with everything....although it was Josh and I who spent all day frantically cleaning things while they spent all day pulling toys out and asking if it was time for the party yet :-)
The party was a success that is if you omit the whole dog and cat debacle (my kids almost witnessed a feline murder....almost... thankfully the cat is okay and so are the innocent minds of my kids :-), who said to the dog later "Aww poor Angus his face is all scratched up" poor Angus, whatever, stinking dog deserved all the scratches he got!)
The girls had a blast carving their pumpkins, roasting their marshmallows and playing in Blackbird pond (no water involved!) When the party was over and the girls were in bed Josh and I both breathed a sigh of relief....the party was over, it was a success, and the rootbeer and candy that was left, well, that was just icing on the cake!:-)

Just a minute

Today is National pregnancy and infant loss day. Please take a moment out of your day to say a prayer for all those who have suffered such a loss. As I have found the pain of losing a child to miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death is something you learn to live with everyday.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb."Psalm 139:13-14

thoughts from a 3 year old

We are not much on wasps around here...I mean really, who likes them....they fly and sting we run and scream! So, we have what appears to be a massive colony, town, heck I think it could be a wasp city located on a corner of the back of our house. Yesterday Josh decides to eradicate them, as best he could anyways. So here's the scene, me and the girls gathered around the window (cause this is exciting stuff at our house) Josh on back deck, one hand on door knob one hand holding spray legs in running position (this is serious stuff here, like I said we're not much on wasps) He sprays and runs, the girls scream, a few wasps fall, many wasps fly....it was no massacre....we are scheduled for another battle next week! Later Emma is talking to her Dad and asks....
E- What were you doing with the wasp spray?
Dad- I was killing the wasps dead (cause what other way is there:-)
E- why?
Dad-so they won't sting you.
E-But Dad, won't the wasps sting Jesus?
Oh the sweet, innocent thoughts of a 3 year old

Not me Monday

I haven't done one of these in a while so here we go....all the things that I did ummm not do this week...
I did not feed my kids oreos and teach them songs such as trick or treat smell my feet...you know the rest, just so they wouldn't fall asleep on the way home from Grannys.
I did not allow them to bring their bikes into the house to ride since it was raining outside.
My girls did not put away all my groceries....I did not trick them into doing this by allowing them to play "store" and take turns being the checkout lady and buggy pusher.

We've had a busy weekend, we went to our first highschool football game of the season. Hopefully we'll be able to get to more, my girls love them some football...well maybe its the snackbar....but they do seem to enjoy watching the game and love to see Manda cheer. The girls also danced at the catfish festival, that was a Disaster with a capital D...I don't know if they were just tired or what but if you were at the catfish festival and saw a "happy" young couple with 2 screaming girls in dance costumes then you saw us!
We are looking forward to another great week, enjoying this cooler weather and maybe getting to relax a little.

Who's the Boss???

We had a "first" at our house today....a phrase I had never heard from my daughters....a phrase I may or may not have used when I was younger :-)
Me: Becca stop beating your sister with that inflatable sword
B: You're not the boss of me
Me: (After I had a minute to process what just came out of my sweet daughters mouth)
Becca come here now!
B: (runs over and quickly says) Momma I was teasing....I know you're the boss of me....

I had turn my head I was laughing so hard, I've been told this isn't the last time I'll hear this....I'm pretty sure they're right.

Things I Love....

a little sunshine...

 

Blue walls (really how great is that!)

 

lollipops and 2 beautiful girls....

 

It doesn't get much better than that!

Seriously

My worst fear 3 years ago was losing my Grandparents...seriously... I used to have panic attacks when I would think about them dying. Then I lost my Granny and Grendaddy on the same day....seriously... it was worse than my worst fear. I made it through, then exactly one year to the day of losing them...seriously...I miscarried our 3rd child Taylor, a little over a year later we lost our 4th, Maisyn, 7 months later we lost our 5th baby Hannah, 6 months later we lost our 6th, Lilly. I never thought I would lose a child much less 4 talk about worst fear. Through these experiences I have learned so much one thing being that I am alot stronger than I ever thought I could be. Thats not to say I don't cry or get upset periodically...it's called grief people, it's normal, it's okay! Is it hard for me to be around babies....yea....sometimes it is, I love babies, but sometimes it gets me thinking about my babies and what they would be like. Does that mean I don't ever want to be around babies...NO. Is it hard for me to be around pregnant people...yea...I look at them and think about what could be or where I would be in my pregnancy....does that mean I hate pregnant people, that I can't be happy for them...NO...just because I don't have a baby doesn't mean that other people don't deserve one. I might get teary eyed around babies, I might get teary eyed around pregnant people...not because I don't like them or am not happy for them, but because sometimes its hard....but just because it's hard doesn't mean I'm going to sit in my closet and hide from babies or pregnant people....seriously....I'm not crazy! And as far as what I can and can not handle emotionally, let me make that decision....I might surprise you...seriously...I'm alot stronger than you think I am.

Wordless Wednesday

 

 

If only I knew....

I'm having a hard time....I'm doing okay, actually better than I ever thought I could be at this point in time, yet there are days, well moments during every day that the grief hits me so hard and unexpetedly that it literally makes me sick to my stomach. We are in the process of moving, yes it is a loooonng process :) I am of course coming across the girls baby blankets and other things that I had saved in hopes that someday we would have another one, and these things are making me very sad. I am facing the reality that we may never have another baby, I have not accepted this reality and really hope that God has other plans for us, but until he makes that plan clear (clear as in "hey would you adopt my baby") then we will patiently wait....I am smiling as I write patiently because sadly patient is something neither of us are :-)
I keep looking back and remembering those long nights when the girls were babies and thinking "If only I knew" If only I knew that I wouldn't get another chance to walk the hallway trying to get her to fall asleep...if only I knew that all those things that some days seemed so irritating one day I would miss them, then maybe I would have held on a little tighter, enjoyed those nights a little more. These experiences have made me realize that today is all I have, we are not promised tomorrow we are not promised the next moment. So today I will hold on a little tighter, I will enjoy these moments a little more....I am not perfect and believe me when I am faced with this...

and this...

there are moments I definetly feel like screaming, but even in those moments I have learned to look at it and think to myself, enjoy this moment because someday you'll wish you had it back....(I know there will be screaming and crying when they get older, but the screams will be louder and the tears will be harder to console so yea I'm pretty sure someday I'll wish I had those 5 year old tears and 3 year old screams back ;-)
and because you've been so wonderful to make it to the end of this post here are some happier faces for you to enjoy!

Days like these make me smile! I am sitting out at the picnic table as I type this, it is an absolute gorgeous day! The weater has cooled off...for the morning atleast :-) and the girls are able to run and play to their hearts content! Play they have, I love to watch them as they discover new things, and the things they come up with to play....well it's hard not to smile when you see this driving through your yard!

We started something Tuesday....something I said I would NEVER do, yes, for this year atleast we are homeschooling! Over the summer for many different reasons Josh and I dedcided for this year we would try it, I have had doubts and at times struggled with the decision....but after everything that has taken place I realize that our decision was indeed God led. Although the girls never really knew about the pregnancy, Becca had her suspicions and as much as I try to put on that "happy face" there are times when that just is not possible. They both know that something is different, not right, I can't imagine sending Becca off when everything is so upside down in our lives right now. So for this year we will embrace this new way of learning, so far she loves it, and I am getting to watch as her and Emma are becoming closer and as Becca embraces that "big sister" role. So although we are still sad for all we have lost I will continue to try and look forward to the future and to all God has planned for our family.

LIlly Grace

In one moment your life can change forever....thats all it takes one moment. We delivered our sixth beautiful baby, Lilly Grace Aug. 27. I had an amazing nurse who will never know how much she meant to me in that moment. I am numb right now, I can't even explain the feeling. I find myself taking showers so hot I come out with red skin...I just want something to take away this awful hurt, but nothing works...now please don't tell me there is something wrong or I need medicine, it will get better, it always does. The hurt will never go away but instead of the tears that come frequently and without warning today one day I will get ready for bed and realize I cried only once that day and someday I'll make it through the whole day, but for now this is my life, this is my reality. Here is a picture of a print that Carrie got for us of Lillys oh so tiny, yet oh so perfect footprint. The picture is not near as clear as the actual print.

Changes

Alot can change in a few days, 4 to be exact. I don't really feel like writing this, but I want you to know in case you don't so you can be in prayer for us tomorrow. I went in to the Dr. today and she was unable to find a heartbeat....I'd like to say I'm okay, but I'm really not I probably look better than I have in any of my previous miscarriages on the outside, I've learned to put on that "I'm okay face" but inside...honestly I'm mad, I don't get it, I'm hurt, I really don't have any words to explain what I'm feeling. I go into delivery tomorrow morning at 8PM so please pray for us tomorrow and in the days ahead.

The Short post

Oh, I have so much to write and soooo little time so I'll just give you the important details...the funny stories will have to wait! We have been in the process of moving and have had very limited internet access....you know the kind, the one where you can get someone elses internet from one corner of the house, is that wrong oh no maybe I shouldn't have written that:-) We will have phone and internet service up soon so until then my posts will and have been few and far between. I had my anatomy scan with the specialist down in Houston a couple of weeks ago, thankyou to all of you who prayed for me I was so incredibly nervous and scared. I clung to and am still clinging to the verse

Be still and Know that I Am God

It is so hard for me to not try and take things into my own hands, to find my own answers, to simply be still. Yet when I remember that verse it becomes such a comfort that I can Know that He is God and that He is in control. All that to say... you probably think I got bad news huh, nope not at all the tumor had not grown hardly at all in 5 weeks and the baby was growing perfectly and......it is a Girl!!!! How fun will this be 3 girls! I can't hardly wait! You would think getting such great news I would be able to relax a little, but that is so not the case. Everyday I fight the feeling of fear of all that could go wrong so please don't stop your praying we have made it to 20 weeks something I never thought I would see but I still have 20 more to go! This turned out not so short, maybe I should change the title, no, I hear the girls getting into something I'm sure they are not supposed to be into so until next time!

It's a love hate relationship

I hate that....
I analyze everything from how sore my boobs are to how constipated I am, and if anything changes I go into a panic. Yea I totally just started my post off with that :)
I hate that I convince myself at least once a week that I've lost the baby.
I hate that I can't look at the ultrasound until the Dr. says everythings okay.
I hate that I can't talk about the pregnancy with the girls.
I hate that when someone says congratulations I want to laugh and say you have no idea.
I hate that I feel foolish looking at baby cribs and accessories because I can't envision ever actually holding a baby.
I hate that I get out my maternity clothes one piece at a time because if something was to happen it's so hard to pack them all up.
I hate shots, I hate tumors... I mean really who likes either of those.

I want to remember all of this, how it feels, so that maybe some day I can help someone else, so I made this list. After I wrote all of this down it made me kind of sad so I thought you know there are alot of things about pregnancy that I don't like, but there are also alot that I love....so I made another list.

I Love that....
I can pray so earnestly for my baby and that he/she and these experiences have brought me closer to God.
I love that all the pregnancy symptoms I have complained about in the past like nausea(although still irritating) I appreciate now.
I love that when I feel her kick it's the most awesome feeling in the world and I appreciate it for what it is, she is with me at that moment.
I love that I know she is strong, I like to think she's a fighter, I felt her move for the first time at 13 weeks 5 days and at 16 weeks she kicked me so hard it made me jump.
I love that when I see her moving on the ultrasound I get giddy happy and I feel and instant connection.
I love that I love this baby so much!

The post you may not want to read :-)

So, I've been told by a couple people that I needed to update. You see, it's been a couple of weeks because if I had written earlier you would have gotten a post all about peuk, like the day I was holding Emma's hair back so she could peuk in the toilet when I realized that I either needed to push her away or use the trashcan for myself, simultaneous peuk, all done while I was holding back Emma's hair...I'm such a multitasker, or how about the day that we were driving and she informs me she needs to throw up so I hand her a doll car seat, it was either that or my purse I mean seriously what would you have chosen! :-) So as you can see you really wouldn't have wanted to read "that" post ;-) Things are looking up now, after a week of being sick Emma seems to be feeling a little better, no fever today at least.
I did have a dr. appt Monday and things look good we've made it to 14 weeks! The farther along I get I seem to get more fearful of all the things that could go wrong so please pray for peace and for an uneventful pregnancy....and maybe that this tumor would just disappear, That would be great!

12 1/2 weeks

We drove down to Houston today to see my perinatal/high risk doctor. The appt went great as far as the baby goes, she was moving like crazy kicking and waving her hands around. It was so wonderful to see her moving so much...at one point I'm pretty sure she kicked the tumor which brings me to the disappointing part of my appt., the tumor has not shrunk it has grown actually doubled in size since I last saw this dr. 5 weeks ago. I was not encouraged, I was a little disappointed, I was hoping it had shrunk, really I was hoping it had disappeared. So to see it so clearly on the ultrasound was (insert groan here). The Dr. was not surprised and he said the tumor is growing in proportion to the baby and placenta, it's not growing faster or threatening the baby right now. He checked the heartbeat and other things and said that there were no signs of congestive heart failure and that the baby looked great...he's hopeful. I may have been a little surprised at the news, but the Dr wasn't and most importantly neither is God, he knew we would be walking this road long before we did...he chose this path for us, so here we are taking it one day at a time praying for health for this baby, and peace for us. We appreciate all your prayers. Jeremiah 29:11

Update

Just a little update for you! Vacation Bible School went great, I had the most awesome helper :-) and a group of fun kids! As great as it was I am soooo glad it's over, and now we are having a relaxing week sticking close to home. I did have a doctors appt yesterday which I was seriously nervous about and pretty much started crying as soon as I walked in the exam room. This was my first appt. back with my reg. ob who I really like, but she is the one who has always had to give me bad news so understandably we were scared. Everything went great though, we got to see her moving all around and we are measuring 11 weeks and 2 days! I know I mentioned before that we think its a girl, out of 5 pregnancies we know 3 of them were girls and also apparently pregnancies that are complicated with this choriangioma tumor are more common with girl babies than with boys. So until we are told otherwise I will refer to this baby as a she :-).

Not Me Monday

I haven't done one of these in a while, but this just couldn't be passed up, so here we go.....
The rinse cycle on my washer did not stop working today and I did not so desperatly need to do laundry that when it got to the rinse cycle I did not walk back and forth from the sink to the washer filling it with water so it could finish washing! I did not do this for 5 loads, because I am not one of those people that waits until we have nothing to wear before doing the wash!
Because I always keep up with the wash :-) I did not spray a pair of my husbands work pants with febreeze and throw them in the dryer to "freshen" them up. I mean seriously I'm a great wife and my hubby always has clean clothes to wear!
I sooo did not just admit to that!
Bible school starts tomorrow, should be fun, except the getting up early part. The girls and I move pretty slow in the morning. I'm trying to get everything ready the night before to make the mornings a little easier...we'll see how it goes!

The Update!

So the reason I haven't been writing much lately is because anything I said would most likely wind up with me referring to "this" and I really didn't want to talk about it... But I guess now is the time, so if you didn't know or haven't figured it out then.... we're pregnant again.
Yay, congrats, how exciting...yea whatever, After 3 miscarriages that positive pregnancy test that used to be so exciting now brings the feeling of fear and those ultrasounds that we used to so look forward to now are spent with my eyes closed praying please see a heartbeat,please see a heartbeat.
We are now entering our ninth week of pregnancy and of course we would be dealing with something very out of the ordinary. A few weeks ago the nurse noticed for lack of better words a "blob" in the placenta with the baby. She didn't know what it was so we watched...next appt. the "blob" was still there so the Dr. looks at it, he says maybe a molar pregnancy, twin pregnancy that died, or blood vessels, "I'm not sure". So off to the hospital, after a student, ultrasound tech, and ultimately the radiologist all come in and do ultrasounds...the verdict "we don't know". "I'm going to die" I know, silly right, but this was my thought, I was scared out of my mind. Well one appt with a high risk pregnancy specialist later and he tells me I have a chorioangioma tumor. WHAT! yea that was my reaction too. Apparently it's a benign tumor that can grow and can cause pregnancy complications for the baby, congestive heart failure, premature birth, miscarriage just to name a few. It could also stay the same and cause no complications at all, obviously this is what we are praying for. The doctor says he's cautiously optimistic...which after 3 miscarriages I'm always cautiously optimistic:-)
So here we are again dealing with a whole new set of issues. Relying on God day by day and thanking him for each moment I have with this baby.

wordless wednesday

I know I've been a bad blogger....we have been incredibly busy the last couple of weeks, if things go well tomorrow maybe I will update, we'll see!

Wordless Wednesday

Do you think she made it over???

I'm still here

I haven't written in a while, I don't know why other than I just didn't feel like it...that's a good enough reason right? This weekend the girls had their dance recital what a day! We had rehearsal from 9 to 11 saturday morning came home ate lunch and went back at 2:30 for the actual recital. For those who know my girls this day was extremely hard on Becca she hates attention so a whole day of being on stage and around alot of people well, it's not her idea of fun....but she did great, she did all her dances and actually seemed to enjoy herself. Emma of course is my little entertainer, she was most impressed with the stage and all the "big girl" dancers. MY video camera quit working as soon as they got on the stage aargh, but I did get a few pictures so I'll upload those later. When recital was over and we got in the car both girls had complete and total meltdowns, they were sooo tired and seriously cried the whole way home. Such a fun day but so glad it's over! Since the recital Emma has taken to randomely dancing like the "big girls" which cracks me up, she makes Becca and I sit and watch while she twirls and kicks around the room and then tells us when to clap. I am enjoying my girls so much these days and am really looking forward the rest of the summer!

Random Picture Challenge #2

July, 2004
or
7th folder
22nd picture
I can't seem to find any pictures before 2006 so here is a pic from 7th folder 22nd pic....


This picture was taken July of 2006 in Millican Texas after my Granny Woodards funeral. We were standing in front of an old school house that I think my Granny had attended. The Baptist church in Millican had provided lunch for us after the funeral, I just remember the watermelon being REALLY good! Becca was 23 months old and Emma was 2 months. This was I'm pretty sure the hardest weekend of my life... We went to my Granny Woodards (Dads Mom) funeral on Saturday and my Grendaddys (Moms Dad) funeral on Sunday.

Go check out www.4littlemen.blogspot.com for everyone elses random pic. challenge!

Emma's 3

Happy Birthday to my baby girl, who ummm isn't really a baby anymore! I can't believe you are three today. You were born during one of the most difficult times in my life, Grendaddy had become very sick and Granny Woodard was also very sick. I drove to the hospital most everyday (you screamed the whole drive, you hated riding in carseats) and we would sit all day. You were so very special to your Grendaddy, his eyes lit up everytime I walked in the room with you and Becca. The first time you met Granny Woodard she was in the hospital, she never got to hold you but I held you up to her and told her all about her second great grandaughter. You are what got me through those days, I had never really lost anyone and to discover I was losing two of the most important people in my life....to say I was distraught would be an understatement. I wanted to be strong but with you I didn't have to be, I would hold you late at night and cry about all I was losing, then I would look at you and see all that I still had. You amaze me everyday, you love to learn and are very busy keeping up with your big sister, you are incredibly independant and very stubborn all traits, that although hard to deal with at times, are also traits I admire. You are also loving, you will wake up sometimes when your Daddy comes in
from work, you immediatly run for a hug and then sit on the couch in his lap while he reads you a story... or two. I thank God for you everyday, Happy Birthday sweet girl.

Wordless Wednesday

Prayer

I've been thinking alot about prayer lately. Well, mostly about how God answers prayers. When I was pregnant I wanted a miracle, I prayed for Gods will, but at the same time I wanted my will, my desire, a baby to hold. God knew that, he knew what I wanted. When I didn't get what I wanted I was okay, I really amazingly was. I knew, I know, that God is in control but did he answer my prayer?

Becca has been asking me for a LuLu. (LuLu is parker girl translation of some silly looking doll you can get from build-a-bear) Last time we went to build-a-bear Becca picked out a bear or something and Emma picked out this doll. Now of course many months later Becca wants what her sister has, and she asks me for it constantly. My answer has been not right now, you will have to wait. She has asked me a question and I have answered her, it's not at all what she wants to hear, but all the same she has been given an answer.


God answers all heartfelt prayers. His answer might be yes, it might be no, or it may be wait. If His answer is no or wait we cannot say that our prayer has not been answered, just because it was not the answer we wanted or expected to hear. Just like Becca asking for a LuLu the answer she was given is not one she wants to hear, but she knows that I Love her. I will not let her down, I know what is best for her right now, in the same way God knows what is best for us. I can rest assured knowing that He is in control, He is not surprised by anything that is happening, God loves me!

"No matter where we are, God is as close as a prayer"

Random picture Challenge

I found this on a blog I just started following and thought it looked kind of fun.... so here we go. Random picture challenge brought to you by
4littlemen.blogspot.com
2007
8th folder - May
25th picture


This was taken at Emmas firt birthday party at Bella and Poppys. We did a daisy theme, yellow and white. The party favors were yellow bubbles that I had decorated with Emmas name and birth date on them. Gran made the cupcakes and Josh and I helped make the flower cookies on a stick. Josh and I had just found out we were pregnant with Taylor, the first baby we lost. It may sound silly but I have pictures of myself when I was pregnant with all 3 babies we lost, I enjoy looking at them and knowing that they were there at that moment. Wow look at the memories one picture can bring back! I can't believe we are fixing to celebrate Emmas 3rd birthday, it seems like just yesterday we were planning her 1st.

Rainy Days

Rainy days.... I don't really like them, I woke up this morning dreading the day before me. All I could think about was being stuck in the house all day, I wasn't happy, I was downright crabby. Then I noticed my girls were oblivious to the rain outside, my mood wasn't bothering them either. They were happily building tents for their dolls, building towers with blocks, and setting up a whole town for their dollhouse people. I then made a decision, I could be crabby all day or I could jump in with them. So I slowed down, looked around me, and realized that maybe, just maybe rainy days weren't so bad afterall!

What do you do when the rain won't stop?
Well if you were these two girls...


you might get dressed up and have a tea party for lunch...



And then when the rain stops you might, well the pictures say it all.....




Psalm 106:1 Praise the Lord!
Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.